Thursday, April 30, 2009

Edwin's Subaru WRX

Edwin's Subaru WRX

I was talking to one of my cb friend, and was told that his friend went to geylang to have a jolly good time. The moment this farker unzipped his pants, pulled down his underwear, the girl with popping eyes, mouth open wide, said, "... wah sir... your cock very big!..." That idoit really an asshole la... the moment he stick his banana into the girl, the girl screamed! " oooohhh...." That farker got a shock and screamed! Idoit... The girl got stunned by his screaming, herself stopped screaming, and asked him what happened... "... is everything ok?..." kekeke... Asshole replied,"... your hole is sooo big, my balls also went in...." hahaha... this is king cb speaking man....

Edwin is a long time friend la... from his lancer, evo 3 gsr days... till now... a couple years have flown by already... This wrx runs on triple plate clutch, GT30 turbo, forged pistons, powervalve, AVCR boost controller, monster sized top mount intercooler, big big injectors, regulator, pumps, 2.0 upgrade to 2.5 block and many many many more... ecu? Reflash.

Gt30 on his WRX 2.5L setup seems to work quite well... in the past, I have tuned a couple of rides running on GT30, and the results is nothing worth mentioning. But in Edwin's setup, omg... it was good. Good spool ups not as laggy as the other setups we tried. This turbo however lacks the 'G' factor, the turbo spools up a little too linearly to produce any significant 'g' force, unlike a VF28 for example, this turbo certainly lacks the 'g' factor. However, churning a 500bhp on this turbo is not an issue...

We didnt take too long tuning this ride so most of the time is spent talking cock, catching up on old times, and discussing on how to modify his ride futher...

Gear 1, boring... if you have that sticker that says, "Girl, please remove all restrictive clothing, including bra, as this ride is turbocharged. blah blah ..." you can remove that sticker now... Gear 2,... wah lan eh... sleep liaoz.... boring!!

Gear 3. All of a sudden, all the money spent on this turbo suddenly seems logical. From the moment you floored the accelerator, the car will pull and pull all the way till 8800 rpm! Speed check, 160 km/h.

Gear 4. Car pulls easily with massive bhp onslaught from the huge turbo, the speedometer takes a relentless swipe on the dashboard, if you are still able to tear your eyes off the road and look at the way the speedometer attacking the numbers, You. Got. Balls! Speed check 240km/h

Gear 5. Based on Lawrence experience on GT30... running to 300 km/h, "No problem, very easy... not scary la... where got fast... normal mah..." crazy farker... going to 300 km/h, well, the rpm needle moves at the same rate as the speedometer... If you're having a great time screwing this ride, remember to pull your balls out after you're done...

GT30 is the turbo for making sure the speedometer's spring get a full workout, and making sure the car get a good blowjob from the amount of air smashing the windscreen at 300 km/h. If you're sick of trying too hard to spin that top speed numbers, try this turbo.

Gerald just came back from Sepang track. The last time he was there, he was on GT30 turbo, and he clocked a good 2:47 that day. Last sunday, he was there again. This time with green turbo. On Green turbo, Gerald took his 502bhp wrx sti, confident of breaking his personal best on sepang, only managed a 2:54. Very dissapointed he was... hahaha... Little did he know that the intercooler piping had uncoupled itself making him lose precious boost pressure needed for the 2 bars of boost.... so, with a half-past-six hardware, he managed a 2:54... hmm... very good!

I was talking to Edwin aka Lan Chieow Lang... he asked me, "my car got 500bhp meh?"... I replied, "... no lah... 480 bhp only" Then he seriously replied me, "... Yah, I also think it is around 480"... I gave him the middle finger. Last time, after the cb garman hantam the 7% gst, a lot of cb places started to give 1 cent change... really knn... lucky nowadays nobody give 1 cent change already... I think edwin still got a lot of 1 cent in his pockets... farker...

how to put frog recipies here.... hmm....

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Cinta ini membunuh ku

cinta ini membunuh ku

One of my fravourite indonesian song, cinta ini membunuh ku. Describes my tuning passion perfectly.

My fravourite quote is from Romeo and Juliet
These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which, as they kiss, consume. (II.6.9-11)

This blog started as a form of entertainment, a way of expressing myself and it started as a vent for my exploding excitment from an evening of andrenaline and to help myself get some sleep in the wee hours of the night.

Tuning, what the fark is tuning? Tuning is like screwing tight a jar of milk. Screw not tight enough, the contents spoil. Screw too tight, the jar spoil. Must be just nice.

Hardware, what the fark is hardware? Hardware is like a going to the bookstore, buy yourself a can of paint. The paint only costs 1 dollar. Then buy a brush for $1.5. The moment the brush touches the canvas, those cheap paint and brush transforms into a million dollar painting. If the painter is a monkey, it will still cost you. If the painter is an elephant, you still gotta pay alot for the artwork. Well, you can say the novelty of an animal painting is invaluable. Of course it works, but in comparison to Da vinci's you don't have to spent too long to recognise its values. Something that you can easily recognise without much comtemplation.

Integrating tuning and hardware together, you will know that the painting can only be as good as the painter and the painter can only perform with the right tools.

Till date, I have my fair share of fire and powder. My triumph and defeats. In the rules of averages, you will know that there exists in any situation, 80% of heads and 20% of tails. In general, if you're capable, 80% will say you're good, while 20% say you suck.

In life, that 20% stings and hurts much more than those good times. Your wife never remembers the good in you, those times you held her hands, those times you look into her eyes and see beyond the veil, the love and the pain you have seen through the years. Beyond the wrinkle, beyond the tide that change, you held her hand and it is those very sting that held their barbs and accumulate over the years. Yes, mistakes and wrongs are but human. In those situations, this theory never seem to make any sense. Cinta ini membunuh ku!

Still the draw of andrenaline, advancing technology and drag race pulls me closer to hell than ever. The memories of seeing the cars I tune roar past the finishing line consumes me totally. The friendship I share with the owners, not forgetting alot of them like Jia xiong , ronny and lawrence... they normally came with their girlfriend... woah... distracting. Like a thirst that burns deep in my throat, I am drawn to the scent of their presence. Saturday, Jia xiong came down, then sam saw his girlfriend... then he say,..."... when's the last time your wife treats you like this..." hahaha... envy envy... hahaha... Please, not the lustful kind of envy, if you know what I mean.

I have a theory in life, ... whatever makes you laugh, remember. For it is these things in life that are precious.

Your kids, your girlfriend, you closer CB friends that show you middle finger and you can still laugh... yes, those things are precious. I show Sam middle finger... he open his eyes big big... then slowly his oily face cracked and smile widely at me before bursting into laughter.

Sam say my blog is so well written, nobody will modify car already... reading this is orgasmic enough, like porn. You see porn, you no need to go geylang. He say fark tissue paper cheaper also its only 20 cents... Then he say I should put my photo on the blog, so people can see my face and masturbate.

I told you la, sam is a monkey.

Finally, in the 20% failed cases, I offer my apologise. We never intended it this way, sometimes, when luck is against us, when things just happen to happen, when chain of events went awry, things does happen. When people start visiting rivary workshops, omg... hell... I think you know what I mean... If you have been in this modification realm long enough, you will start to learn that the petty childish rivary still exists. Alot of times, these rivary stories are outside workshops. If you're unsure... ask around. Equip yourselves with these valuable knowledge, beyond the veil of advertisement and you'll see what I mean. Sam's unique welding skills sets him apart and sticking out like cow balls...

If you ask me about rivary stories, I wouldn't say. hahaha... why should I? I can be trusted in that sense, it work both way... so fark you...

Car modification should retain its sanity, its fun and its andrenaline. Let keep it this way, the way we enjoy it to be.

Cinta ini membunuh ku!!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Opel Zafira 1.8 Turbo charged

Opel Zafira 1.8 Turbo charged

Opel Zafira is not a common sight in sillypore. Turbo charged Zafira, I bet this is the only one in sillypore. In Ang moh country, this car is called Opel Vaunxhall, damn stylo-milo, then when come to sillypore, the name became a little more localised and the name zafira now sounds super local, like Jalan Eunos and geylang Lorong 18.

Imagine Orchard road is call Jln Orin-Jut, I think nobody will go liaoz...

What we have in this ride is a bolt-on turbo kit, a properly sized intercooler, cast exhaust manifold, Garrett GT25 turbo and tuned using Unichip Q. Zafira comes stock with 140 bhp and with a turbo charger, we can expect a good 220 bhp on this spruced up ride.

We tune and tune and ended up at geylang again. Hey, there is a famous prawn noodle stall there that sells prawn noodles at $3.50 per bowl, inside, they give you pig's tail, small intestine, pork ribs and prawns. The soup of this noodle is damn solid la. Although not as powderful as katong's prawn noodle, this particular stall is one of our fravourite tuning stops. Well, according to sam, he say can eat noodle and see girls... hahaha... everytime we sucks the noodle into his mouth, his eye would oogle at china girls and their short mini-skirts. hahaha... The stall beside sells fried dumplings which goes perfectly with the noodles.

Owner is very sociable and he views things very differently from normal people. We enjoyed his company very much and we had no difficulty talking cock and the entire tuning session is filled with laugher and I think everyone enjoyed themselves that evening. Owner complements sam for his tuning services and especially when the tuning package includes a sight seeing tour in geylang hahahahah...

Putting back the previous mapping done by @DM into the car, the engine starts to ping, similar to the case in our Kia Picanto friend who had the same experience. Once done tuning, we had the chance to try with a Honda Integra Type R. So, CB sam got nothing better to do, he decided to try try with the type R. On highway, even with the solid european insulation in our Zafira, we can hear the type R engine pulling hard on ECP. Type R weaved sharply to the right, sam weaved immediately to the left, seeing the straight clear in front, both car floored. Zafira's GT25 responded immediately to the driver's input and at 3000 rpm, the turbo propels the car forward, we saw ourselves inching away from the Type R and at 4500 rpm, we are propelling away.... Nice.

Overall, this is car is very drivable with the turbo. Car feels light and moving in sillypore traffic is a breeze. Fuel used is Ron 95 and conservative boost levels for a 220~240 bhp power. Hardware wise, a little bit of touch-up is required on the engine hoses and stuff which sam will be busy with in later on... other then that, its excellent.


ps:

Sam just came back from track... will update once I get the stories... :) Heard Nick went and sam say nick drive like pro for a first timer on track! Everyone enjoyed themselves very much... from the sound of his voice, no doubt!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Sibeh Tua Pao injector cleaner

Sibeh Tua Pao injector cleaner

Yesterday, our 1.5 TS turbo came over to inform us that his car now drives wierd. And started to discribe the symtoms to us the moment he floored the accelerator, the car started to jerk like a horse and cannot rev past 4000 rpm. When he describes the problem, he also informed us that these symtoms occured only after he poured in Sibeh Tua Pao injector cleaner into his engine.

Hahaha... most of us already know that these CB products really does their job farking well. but, the farking problem is that when it really does what it claims to do, will it deterimental to the health of the engine?

What happened here was that the Super Tua Pao injector cleaner from bangala started to scrub the injector clean like nobody's business, so clean until the farking injector when spray, not only spray small small quantities, now spray mega amount of fuel into the engine. Now the asshole so big, the moment the hole open, everything come out. CB farking flood the engine with fuel lor... now now... before you start to preach like sam... it is my cb duty to inform you that the engineers in toyota and subaru also not stupid lah... got something call endurance and stress test lor... they let the farking engine run like they own kuwait oil wells... then after donkey hours later, they check the injectors and all other more common parts like pistons and stuff... so, you bet they know about slug blah blah blah... anyway, our usual RON 98, 95 etc contains detergent to clean the injectors. Not just caltex la... so, fark ok... but, what better way to prove it than to have someone tried it already....

Run-in engine. WTF is that... it is also to allow all these CB carbon and shit build-up to equlibrum. Meaning, after 5000 km or so, I expect to retune this TS again. Fark.

But, ok lah... tuning is fun and dinner at jalan kayu also not bad.

Last night, CB sam tell me he studied Law. knn... not study lor... its Study LAW. Wah... knn, my eye pop out, jaws wide open until bubble in my mouth... staring at his sibeh solomen face in disbelief... wah... then hor... to prove he smarter than me, he asked me.

Sam, "ok. I ask you. Money lending need license or not?"
blinking like Albert eistien at me with that poker face
Me, "need Lar. cb"
Sam, "No Need! Reallyyyyyy.... hee hee hee hee hee" covers his mouth and smiling behind his hands, so damn proud he prove my stupidity He was so sure that he made me felt damn farking silly and stupid.

He then turn to our TS friend. "Eh, what you think" Our TS friend is studying law in school now...

TS friend, "No need..."

WOW... I ate the humble pie man... cb.

If I got no dick, I might just blush to death on the spot. Then, I said, " For the sake of PRIDE, I will prove you wrong. I too studied law. Seriously. And for the sake of my farking pride, I will prove you wrong and not just that. I will put it on my blog site for eternal rememberence!"

He also say no need paid up capital blah blah ... hmm... ok... fine.

They all laughed at my arrogance and feeble attempts to save my embarrassment. I told sam, he is faking outdated liaoz. And, he doesnt read. hahaha... nevermind, i gentleman one... He even describes to me his experiences with his own former credit company, CID, RCB and all the likes of CB ABCDEFG... so,... pls.

Website to Singapore statues online
Chapter 188 -> Moneylenders Act from ministry of law

Rule 3. Security deposit placed with Accountant-Genral under section 5(5)(C)...... so how much deposit...
license is $1200 under rule 5 per year.

From sillypore moneylener's license, heres the requirements:
The following are some of the criteria for the grant of a Moneylender's licence:
...
the applicant and every person who is or will be responsible for the management of the business is familiar with the provisions of the Moneylenders Act 2008 and its Rules;
the proposed business premises to be licensed is suitable for the conduct of the moneylending business; and
a security deposit of $20,000 for every place of business for the proper conduct of the business, has been placed with the Accountant-General. The security deposit is to be provided in the form of an irrevocable Banker’s Guarantee upon approval of your application.

Got it from Insolvency and Public Trustee's Office website, under registry of moneylenders.

So, who is the bodoh now... hahaha... Then, he said things about hire purchases... hiaz... i think i won't continue with this law law thing here...

Pride!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Race! Nick vs White suzuki swift

Race! Nick vs White suzuki swift turbo

We already know whats in Nick's car and this evening, we have one of the fastest white suzuki swift turbo pitting against Nick's suzuki swift sport turbo at the start line. Whitey has done up quite a bit on his car that you can safely call it a swift sport if it make you feel better. Inside whitey, we have already suspected a swift sport engine, we know for sure it has cosmetic head gaskets to lower the compression ratio to 9.5:1 in comparison to Nick's 11:1 compression ratio, the difference in compression ratio is massive. With a lowered compression of 9.5, boosting 1.3 bars is not an issue. So, you have Nick boost 0.7 bars this evening, while whitey, well, lets just say he boosted 0.8 bars :)

Whitey has a suzuki swift sport gear box, with a modifed final drive which means the car with the additional bhp now pulls longer and harder than before. Reaching top speed on this ride is not a problem. Turbo, it will be a TD04 on whitey and vf8 on Nick's ride. Both runs with similarly sized intercooler except that the way the piping runs around the car is different, the setup on both cars is also significantly different. Sam has his uncanny way of twisting and turning the pipings and his signature argon welding marks can be easily recognised by connosieurs island wide.

History on whitey tells us that he used to be a common sight in drag races and it is only lately that he seemed to have mellowed down a little, but watching him race, the years of racing experience made his car stood out, making nick's first run look like a dog.

Both cars starts off as normal and upon crossing the imaginary starting line, both cars will sprint for the remaining 15 lamp post. Rolling start. Run 1 starts off with nick looking farking newbie. hahaha... Whitey's seasoned drag race experience sends his swift sport sprinting forward with Gusto! Dunno what the fark nick was doing, then out of no where, Nick woke up from slumber, he floors the accelerator. That moment, the entire race strip was filled with Nick's powervalve exploding ear deafening exhaust into the serene nightscape. I stood up unto the road's railing inching forward.

Before the race, I bet on Nick to win. Sam on the other hand, betted on Whitey. His bet on whitey sends butterfly in my stomach, deep down, I hoped for Nick, my bet usually tied to reasons that is not related to hardware, which made me bet on the car I tuned mostly. For sam, it is about winning. Winning the farking bet. His bet is usually tied to hardware, turbo and usually never about emotions, winning the bet is paramount mostly.

Nick clears gear 2 closing the gap from 2 car length to half car length behind whitey. Nick engages gear 3 and clearly lacking the speed in gear shifts, whitey inches forward to extend the distance with Nick trailing now by 1 car length, Nick forces the car to sprint harder, this time, closing in to the original half car length, a little more, he will be side by side with whitey, 2 lamp post remains, nick fails to close in and lost race 1.

"chee bye" I shouted. Sam laughing away, wide smiles and very happy with his predicament. "lam par la..." Knn, really CB feeling lor. Although I know nobody expected Nick to win this race, as a matter of fact, even whitey is here to tear Nick. Everyone expected this to be a simple bench marking session for nick, with whitey's scrutinizing Nick's turbo kit, and commenting negatively on the way nick's car has been setup, everyone was here to see whitey's car perform. Nobody expected a side-by-side, half car length lost. But, for being so attached to Nick's ride, I felt like fark.

Nick and whitey stopped by the road side 50 m in front of us, alighted to talk cock. hahaha... race 2 commences shortly.

Both cars rolling to starting line. This time, CB nick sprints together with whitey. Nick shot in front by 1 car length. Excellent start. This CB nick is a fast learner I admitted! But before I mouthed the words, Nick hits 7000 rpm rev cut. Powervalve announces nick mistake without a tinge of embarrasement. CB! Gear 3 engages after 4 counts of rev cut blast, whitey closes in on nick pulverized his head start advantage to half car length behind Nick. Nick wacks the car hard and turbo spools very very hard to overcome the lost momentum of his 1050kg ride and maintained the half car length advantage with the rpms sweeping past 6500 rpm and with the stress and andrenaline of seeing himself in front, the engagement of gear 4 is Pro! Zero lost in momentum. One fluid motion. Gear 4. Nick floors the accelerator and guns past the finishing line. I punched wildly in the air as Nick's powervalve blasted by! "CB! WIN!!" I was thrusting my dick on the railing celebrating the win!

"Wow! damn fast lor" sam said. "I farking dun care lor! hahaha..." I said laughing.

Race 3. Nick's gaining massive experience and he looks born for andrenaline. My heart was pounding hard with thought on engine longevity as these 2 farker seems to be testing and pushing their engines to the farking limit. Then we heard Nick's exhaust letting off some strange bubbling sound! " Fark! " Sam said. "what? similan chieow?" I asked. "Nick's engine gone liaoz"... "Fark!" I said.

Rolling to the start line... and GO! Nick's gear shift on 2 still needs some serious tutorial by xiao jian. Nick is oblivious to the condition of his engine and guns like he races for a living. Again, Nick crosses the finishing line first. This time, the mix feelings of hardware failure and joy of winning inter-twines itself. Nick senses our mixed feeling.... sam asked, "hey! did you hear the engine bubbling sound?"

Nick, " When?"
sam " when you drove past us just now on the opposite side"
nick " ooorrr....thats because I hit rev-cut... forgot to change gear..."

***slap head***

now all of us beaming with joy and andrenaline, laughing and making all sorts of cb and knn things... then when whitey drove up, the feeling was smoothered.... well, out of respect and sportmanship... No, its just trying not to be a CB asshole.... hahaha

Whitey's seasoned racing experiences is evident as he alighted with composed countenance. No expression. Lighted his malboro, and congratulated Nick. Hand shakes and off we go for kopi.

Kopi shop talk is kopi shop talk, full of crap and rubbish... Mostly I can see that whitey is a popular figure in this community and well respected among them.

From someone who did so much, knows so much and seen so much, someone who once scrutinized nick's setup, to say this. I admit. Very Man! He even recommended nick a few tip on modifications to enhance his ride further. That too received approving nods from sam and me... a better final drive for Nick. 1.5 way LSD. kekeke....

Anyway. this evening, a time of celebration, we know, out there, there is another higher mountain, but like whitey said, sometimes, making the car too fast and be a pain to drive without endangering lives. He said to make it faster would be insane... which indirectly mean nick's has reached a mental bhp cut?.... thats tomorrow I guess... tonight. We celebrate.

Congrates to Nick! That made our day.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Ben's Honda Civic 1.6 NA

Ben's Honda Civic 1.6 NA

Yesterday was suppose to be only touching up lawrence's car running on hydra nemesis,... Ben called up that evening to request for tuning services for his honda civic. Ben, physically challenged has an extreme passion for cars. His eyes is filled with compassion and very soft spoken. In his car, farking more fierce than mine by far. Some of the things you find here can make any car enthu drool or masturbate, whichever produces more pleasure.

We have mugen body kit, mugen oil cap,... Hey, dun laugh la CB... you think the oil cap cheap izzit?... knn... go check how much mugen charge for oil cap and you will surely faint. More tiong parts? Have!

AP racing 6 pot 4 brakes. Fierce boh? hahaha... yes, if the exhuast pipe wasnt so damn hot, I bet sam would go behind and screw the pipe... hahaha... People use 2 point lateral strut bars, this ride? 4 point A frame strut bars. The best la brudder.

Meters? Have. Defi triple meters with genome module. Rims? 18 inch. Race compound tyres.

ECU, we have Emanage Ultimate! Yes, the best. Tuning? The person who tuned this ride previously is beyond words. The car stalls when moving off traffic! Jerks like a horse. The previous tuner magically produced 200 bhp on this 1.6 NA and the moment sam saw the dyno chart, his eyes popped out, jaws open with a pop sound and told Ben, "... I cannot produce 200 bhp leh..." hahaha... The dyno chart looks like shit to me lor... I said, ".. you only do this to people you dun like la... " That idoit tuner is a Free-Lan tuner. Really lan chieow la... Ben only wanted better drivability and ended up riding a horse...

This cb sam sometimes really nothing better to do, during tuning, he wanted to test the hand lever that controls the brakes and accelerator... "I wonder how this works?" Sam said, "CB la brudder... you really CB leh... please don't experiment leh... " I farked him la... very fun to play meh? really cb lor... like small kid like that. knn...

Tuning a car with modified muffler and air intake is blase. The previous tuner spent 2 hours on the dyno machine tuning Ben's ride. I dunno what he did... maybe he got so excited he went to wack the exhaust pipe... hahaha... imagine putting the tuner's hand on the boot and rubs it in circular motion, eyes rolling, mouth wide open, opening the top button on his jeans, ripped the zipper down and held his dick with thumb and index finger, you slot it into the exhuast pipe. Vigorously slamming his pelvis against the rear, feeling the ribbed banana pulling and pushing against the grains of the pipe, ignoring the almost consuming feverish heat from the exhaust, the Tuna continued like no tomorrow, his excitment wouldnt be cut short because of early ejaculation, because after 2 hours of this fervent pleasure, every drop of liquid would have shot out like a projectile. Its during this time, the car's mutiple orgasm created the kind of stock market dyno chart, and when the orgasm reached its climax, woooh, 200 bhp is an understatement!

For boring me and sam, there wasnt anything like that... hahaha... it took us 15 mins to finish the job. And, when sam requested to try out the previous mapping, god! when he floored the accelerator, the engine detonated! It felt like someone jabbed you with a stun gun leh... "WOOH!!!" both of us shouted! hahaha... the electrifying effect of detonation!

Usually, owner follows us to go tuning together, so, owner will get the first hand experience of kenna stun also... hahaha... Then, when moving off traffic, the car jerks away like it was trying to tell you how much she missed the time that some idoit carressed her butt. Anyway... she not our type... hahaha...

Owner sms us to let us know his appreciation of whats done. Very happy with the results. He still owe us kopi...

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Nick's Suzuki swift sport Turbo

Nick's Suzuki swift sport Turbo

Nick, a perculiar fella indeed... dressed in round neck Ts, designer's touch is evident in his bearings, very friendly chap, those type that chicks would open their legs for and come back beggin for more, talking to him is a pleasant experience, one that you would check the passenger's seat for stain marks before seating... nah... just kidding... hahaha... usually the back seat la... hahaha... cb...

Here, we put in a huge intercooler, IHI vf-8 turbo, mega injectors, wastegate, powervalve and similan jiow also have la... Limited edition HKS EVC boost controller, people use samco silicon pipe, he use HKS silicon pipe, then the new HKS SSQV which is black in colour and cost a bomb too, then he have casted exhaust manifold, meshed filter, high grade stainless steel pipes everywhere, ecu wise, it is emanage ultimate, thick 2.5" Aluminium radiator, Defi genome meters, suspensions, CB, alot alot more la... if I keep going, I think the whole farking blog will be filled with all his parts.

Nick saw the entire process of starting up the car... Not before I prepared him mentally of what to expect, still I can see the familiar shocked expressions when the car started up. He left only when things started to appear normal. hahaha... those who have seen this part of the tuning process will feel likewise also... tramatising.

Swift sport comes with semi forged pistons and con-rods, what we wanna do here is get a 200 bhp on this ride and smile your way home. On a 1050 kg ride, excellent handling, swift sport is a formidable track car, for this, we tuned this ride track-ready.

Gear 1, sam floors the accelerator, turbo lags for the first 3000 rpm, at 3500 rpm, the audible turbo relentlessly spooling forces air into the engine, we hardly felt the car's rear suspension squart and the rpm takes an immediate swipe at the dashboard. I bet a 400 nm of torque on this ride. Rpm hit 7500 rpm instantly on gear 1 complements of close ratio gearing. Gear 2 engages flawlessly, it seems like farker sam have been practising on his civic turbo, rpm takes another swipe, wastegate roaring away in the middle of the night, mixing an octave higher with powervalve, singing while the car surges forward. Gear 3, boost read an onslaught from the turbo, the engine roars as the wheel spin on every uneven bumps. Gear 4, all I think about is when Sam is going to let go the throttle. CB.

It is only when sam releases the throttle and brake that I realised how fast we were actually flying at. The swift sport engineering for driver's prespective is high-speed bias, giving the driver excessive confidence, no doubt the handling and braking power for this 1 ton ride is fabulous, it still sends cold chill down my spine to realise how fast we were sprinting.

I left last minute instructions to sam to remind the owner on how to handle this ride and what to expect in the coming months. "We've created another monster" sam said with a smurk.

Ah fah... hahaha... funny guy, he opens the bonnet and admire the engine bay. In chinese, he say "shin sang" his creations... I shouted profanity and with my hand in front of my dick I started to shake back-forth asking him to wank and shoot into the turbo.... hahaha... Again he admired the engine and said some chinese love poems to the engine, and again but with more excitement, I shake my upfaced palms, thumbs touching finger and "ahhhh.... ahhh..." hahaha... "quickly quickly... " aim for the turbo ... hahaha... He showed me the middle finger with his brows touching each other... haha... farker must have been poisoned by sam...


before you start scrutinizing my home made video, and call it a lousy cheapo production, you should be informed that this sillypore funniest home video is made using my laptop's webcam. yes, the same laptop that tune your car, is the same laptop filming his piece of art. Look, i left my king-kong camera at home so, make do with this will-ya... the purple thing is the mouth of the turbo which Ah-fah suppose to aim, the shiny piece of metal in front is called the intercooler... a little too big la... but, looks more tiong... hahaha... nick wants performance, sam wants monster look... so... that piece of intercooler fits and filled the span of the front bumper's opening. That ensures all the cool air rams it hard.

Fine, i'll improve on my video and picturistic aspect of life. You know, I was explaining some tuning parameters to Doctor last night, and for once, it really felt awkward talking to a medical doctor and sort of explaining why this and that in the mappings, its like teaching daddy how to fark... hahaha... how many of you out there actually gets a chance to preach to a Doctor? hahaha... I tell you SHIOK ah!... hahaha... make me feel like a prof. of something... eh, fark la... I enjoy it... yah... lame.. I know, but, it does feel good...

Dr. wilson was there last evening, PHD in economics... and he asked me about malaysian's economic according to paul krugman... hey, when I was explaining this to Sam, I could explain it like I know everything... but, in front of wilson, omg, the balls just shrink a little, eyes not meeting his, and I ommited a mega chunk of my memorised paragraphs from the book on depression economics. I felt the need to grasp for more air and his politeness in the discussion didnt helped the matter at all.

Last evening, our white swift sport was there changing his clutch... he raced with his friend's 20k modification swift sport, packed with forged internals, 1.2 bar of boost, vf34 turbo blah blah... he lost by 2 car length. We know jolly well that ours gonna lose that race, but 2 car length is a little too short for a short hatchback huh? Ok, play fair, ours has methanol injection kit, powervalve, td04 turbo and low boost of 0.8 bars, now with exedy 3 pug racing clutch. He's now discussing on building a forged engine, not sure when though... evil!

Automotive engineer's car

Automotive engineer's car

When I tell people I've tuned a kia picanto, they hee-hee ha-ha like I was trying to pull they dick and swing it around my head. Some laughed so bad I felt like kicking their balls. When they found that I was serious, their jaws open and eye filled with wonder.

NUS automotive engineer's car is tuned by some kiki-lala tuner, ended up his car kept pinging like hell, of course, owner knows whats pinging is about, he studies this in NUS and upon hearing the engine pinging, he immediately drive as smooth as he could and source for a solution. Blown engine is something we must all avoid, it not only affects the owner, it also affect the tuner alot. It dewindles confidence levels and sometime pushes you way back into ultra-conservative zones.

Owner have modified his engine to a one that is of a slightly higher compression, not too much to handle but significant enough to feel. As we discussed automotive theories, he was able to understand fully what I was saying and in fact, he was able to discuss in detail with me. We talked about things like flame burn speed, octance levels of fuel, pistons, connecting rod, and the only thing he needs more help in is the integration portion.

I know people think is bull trying to modify a picanto, but as far as I am concerned, if we cannot make a picanto work well, we can forget about more complicated setups. The result is satisfying. Frankly, I enjoyed myself tuning this ride, it felt darn good to have someone who knows his stuff so well, that for once, it doesnt feel like you're selling something to someone. Tuning technique and foundation is still the same as higher bhp rides only this time, things happen slower and you have more time to look at the parameters.

On the way back, sam did the most mind boggling thing on earth. He rev the picano behind a lancer GT. Ai yoh, farking pai seh lor... "go? dun go... go? GO!" he sprints and left the lancer GT behind.... hahaha... You know how it farking feels like being chiat by picanto? OMG!

The handling on this ride has been greatly improved, with proper suspension setup and alighments, this ride feels very much like a rally car, we did 4'g' corners and the car hugged nicely to the ground. Excellent setup.

What we have in this car is high compression ratio, something like 11:1, excellent suspension systems, exhaust decat and straight through muffler, tuned using unichip Q.